Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
