i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All I want is dick and wine.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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