Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
