Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
