I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
