I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
