it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
