R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
