omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
