I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The air taste purple.
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