I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
