Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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