we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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