Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
