Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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