Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
