If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I understand Curling. That high.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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