My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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