She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
