Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
