I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
