I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize