He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
