I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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