Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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