I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
