you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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