apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
