Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
