The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
