just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
