captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
