Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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