Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
