Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize