So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
