we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
