i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
