I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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