For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize