My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
