It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Pants 0. Shit 1.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
