You really coming over, don't trick.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
