Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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