I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
