Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Randomize
