All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize