That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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