Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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