party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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