i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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