I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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