we made out on top of his cat.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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