if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
