I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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