I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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