Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
