god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
