I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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