put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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