Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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