Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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