bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
