No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize