Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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