just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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