There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
