don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i drank out of a bidet.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We need to get me chipped asap
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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