Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize