I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
