tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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