So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
