First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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