we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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