true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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