I think I just saw someone hide a body.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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