Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
