You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
