Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
His nipple licking is glorious
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