thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize