I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
