I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
