Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
