Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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