This girl is more easily done than said...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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