she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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