Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
