My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My ATM looks so different sober.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
