That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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