Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize