guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
