There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
