Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
