I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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