Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
