I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How does one acquire holy water?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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