hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dicks are not precious.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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