:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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