I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
