That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
