I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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