i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize