I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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