Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
