Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
