Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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