My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Your penis caused this!
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