I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize