Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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