I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
