so that wasnt chicken after all
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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