the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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