No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
